How a 30 Something Girl is dealing with everyday Life and Infertility

I'm learning who I am, my battle with Infertility and other everyday ramblings.

Cakes, Cookies and everything bad for you Recipes

$100 Chocolate Cake
Ingredients:

Part 1
2 cups Flour
2 tsp Baking Soda
1 Cup White sugar
pinch of Salt
4 Tbsp. Cocoa
Mix Well Together

Part 2
1 cup Miracle Whip Salad Dressing
1 cup Water
1 Tsp Vanilla
Mix well Together

Directions:
Combine Part 1 with Part 2, mix well. Bake for 45 min @ 350F

Oatmeal Raisin Cookies
Ingredients:
250
mL Soft Margarine
250
mL Packed Brown Sugar
1 Egg Beaten
5
mL Vanilla
375
mL All-purpose Flour
5
mL Backing Soda
5 ml Cinnamon
1
mL Salt
300
mL Rolled Oats
250
mL Raisin

Directions:
Heat oven to 350 F. Cream butter and sugar together. Add egg and vanilla. After mixed well add remaining ingredients and mix well by hand. Drop By Spoon onto Baking sheet. Bake for 8-10 min


Baking Powder Biscuits

Ingredients:
250 mL flour
10
mL Baking Powder
75
mL Milk
1
mL Salt
30
mL shorting


Directions:
Preheat oven to 425.
Sift flour and add baking powder and salt. Cut in Shorting. Add Milk gradually. Lightly flour board and knead
doh 4 times. Roll to 3/4 thickness. Cut with knife or use a cup to make round biscuits. Place cutouts onto floured pan for 15-20 mins.

Banana Cake

Ingredients:
1 Cup Sugar
1/2 Tsp. Vanilla
1/2 Cup Butter
4 Tbsp. Cream (milk)
1 tbsp baking soda (mixed with milk)
1 Cup mashed Bananas
2 tsp Baking Powder
2 Cups Flour
1/2 Tsp. Salt
1 Tsp. Cinnamon (optional)
1/2 Tsp. Nutmeg (optional)
1 Cup Walnuts (optional)

Directions:
Mix all Ingredients together and bake in over @ 350F for35-40 min.

Carnation "Can't Fail 5 Minute Fudge"
Ingredients:
2/3 cup (small can) Undiluted Carnation Evaporated Milk
1 2/3 cups Sugar
1/2 Tsp. Salt
1 1/2 Cups (6 medium) diced Marshmallows
1 1/2 Cups Semi-sweet chocolate chips
1 tsp. Vanilla
1/2 cup chopped nuts

Directions:
Mix Carnation, sugar, and salt together in saucepan over low heat. Heat to boiling, cook 5 minutes. Stir Constantly. Remove from heat. Add marshmallows, chocolate chips, vanilla, and nuts. Stir 1 - 2 minutes or until marshmallows melt. Pour into buttered 9 inch square pan. Cool Then cut into Squares.

Cocoa Quickies
Ingredients:
1 Cup Butter
1/2 Cup Milk
2 Cups Sugar
1/2 Cup Cocoa
2 Cups Coconut
2 1/2 - 3 Cups Rolled Oats

Directions:
Combine butter, milk, sugar, and cocoa in a large pan and bring to a boil. remove from heat. Add coconut and oats. Drop by teaspoonful on cookie sheet lined with waxed paper. Chill in fridge for 1 hour. Makes approx 6 Dozen. Store in air-tight container. May be Frozen.

Snickerdoodle Cookies
Ingredients:
2 3/4 Cups All-purpose Flour
1/4 Tsp. Salt
1 Tsp. Baking Soda
2 Tsp. Cream of Tartar
1 1/2 Cups of Sugar
1 cup Butter or Margarine (soften)
2 Eggs

Topping
1/2 Cup Sugar
1 Tbsp Cinnamon

Directions:
Preheat Oven to 350F. In Large Bowl with an electric mixer cream butter until light. Add the eggs and beat on low speed until mixture is smooth. Add flour, salt, baking soda, and cram of Tartar and beat on low speed until dough begins to form. Combine sugar and cinnamon (topping)in small bowl. Shape dough into 1 inch balls and roll them in the Topping. Arrange on
un greased baking sheet 2 inches apart and bake for 16-19 mins or until light tan. Transfer to racks to cool.

French Chocolate Mousse
Ingredients:
4 oz Dark Chocolate
1 Tbs. Sugar
3 Egg Yokes
5 Egg Whites

Directions:
1. Melt chocolate in a double boiler
2. Remove Chocolate from heat and add Sugar, stir well. Then add egg yokes one at a time,
stirring well
3.Beat egg whites until stiff then gently fold
into chocolate mixture until well blended.
4. Pour into serving bowls and cover with plastic wrap and put into fridge over night

Lime Philly Freeze
Ingredients:
1 1/4 cups Oreo Baking Crumbs
1/4 cup butter - melted
2
pks. Cream cheese soft
1 can frozen
limeaid concentrate, thawed
1 tub cool whip
2 tsp. grated lime peel

Directions:
Line 9 inch square pan with foil, so it goes around the edge. Mix Crumbs And butter and press into the bottom of pan.

Beat cream cheese in large bowl with electric mixer until creamy. Gradually add limeade concentrate. Beat till blended. Add 3 1/2 cups whip topping.
Stir with wire whisk until well blended. Spoon evenly over crust. Freeze 3 hours or until firm.

Mocha Truffles
Ingredients:
1/3 cup heavy whipping cream
1/2 stick (1/4 cup) butter or
margarine cut up (not spread)
1 Tbsp instant
espresso crystals
2 cups (12oz) semisweet chocolate chips
1/3 cup white chocolate vanilla chips

Directions:
In glass dish over boiling water heat cream and butter until cream simmers and butter has melted.
Whisk in
espresso crystals until dissolved
Add chocolate and while chips over low heat until melted and smooth.
Add to Glass dish with Cream and butter mixture.
Chill about 2 hours
Line cookie sheet with wax. Roll mixture into 3/4 inch balls and chill 1 hour.
Decorate with cocoa and put back to chill.

Hawaiian Wedding Cake

Ingredients:
2c. Flour
1 tsp. Baking soda
1 tsp. Salt
1 1/2c. White Sugar
2 eggs
1 19oz. Can crushed Pineapple
1c. Coconut
1/2c. Chopped
maraschino cherries

Directions:
Mix together. Pour into 9x13 pan and Bake at 350 for 35-40
mins

Questionnaire that's making the Rounds

There is a questionnaire that is making the rounds in Blog-land and I thought I would answerer it too.

1. What was your highest weight, what do you weigh right now and what is your goal weight?

My highest weight was 229.8lbs on Jan. 1 2010.
My weight now is 212.8lbs as of Oct. 9 2010
My Goal weight is 175lbs

2. What is your #1 motivation for losing weight?

#1 is to become healthier. To have lower cholesterol, to help myself get pregnant, and maybe just a little to lose that double chin!!

3. Have you always been overweight?

Oh heck yes

4. When you want to give up what inspires you to keep going?

The thought of not being able to have children, or being around them because I have passed on from not taking care of myself

5. What is the #1 thing you look forward to when you hit your goal weight?

Cheaper clothes, lol being able to shop in a regular store will be just awesome! The other big thing will be to be able to run around with my husband

6. Do you have support on your weight loss journey?

Yes, the Mr is very supportive, though he tells me all the time he will love me at any size.

7. What is your favorite exercise?

I have a love/hate relationship with my bootcamp. They make me do things that I never thought I could do. Like say the PLANK pose

8. What is the most important thing you have learned on your weight loss journey?

That I can do anything if I put my mind to it.

9. What is one thing you have given up that you miss the most?

Being able to go out for dinner with friends and not care about what I was going to eat/drink.

10. What is your strategy for losing weight?

Bootcamp and clean eating

You can answer the questions if you want to too.

When you sleep in.... OPS!

I could have kicked myself this morning, when instead of getting up with my alarm at 500am, I woke to the sound of rain outside and it was almost 830am!!!

AHHHHH I slept in and missed my 530am work out.
I guess I needed the sleep.

So instead of blowing off the whole day, like I would have done in the past. I made breakfast, packed lunch and my snacks. Then I packed a Gym bag. After work today I went to the gym and did the 430pm workout with a different class. Boy am I happy I went. I felt so much better! I had a little "YEAH ME" moment. All though I was tired after work I am so darn proud of myself that I went.
I think I am fighting off the week 3 slump. If there is such a thing, lol.

I will do this!!!

Achievement & Feelings

Today for a work out I walked around Westwood Lake, which is about 6km of trails around one of the many lakes in the area I live in.
Last time I walked it it took me 1.5 hours today I did it in 1 hour 15 sec ! YEAH ME!

I'm so freaking proud of myself.

In other news, feeling a bit lonely. I am noticing how when I am feeling alone that I tend to turn to food. Then there is that inner battle of what I should eat and what I want to eat, bah... I hate this feeling. Maybe it's because everyone is so busy right now but sometimes I really feel like some of the friends I have are only fair weather friends. They come around, hang out, chat with you but only when they want to. The rest of the time you are left feeling out in the cold. I thought I would see some of my friends more now that I don't have to worry about the distance but it is just as before. I hardly see them let alone hear from them. I don't want to make this a poor me post, I just really needed to get it out and I feel this is a safe place to write.

I should log off here and get to bed seeing as I am up at O'dark hundred to go to the gym for another butt kicking.

Until next time...

Me vs. "The Voice"

Everyone has a voice in their head. The one that they have conversations with, where you suddenly say "Oh, Yha I totally forgot that!" and the people around you look at you kinda funny. Please tell me I am not the only one that does this, lol.

Well what happens when the voice is telling you to quit something that you really want to do? That is my fight right now. As some of you know I have been sick this last week and have missed a whole week of Bootcamp. The voice is telling me to quit, not to go back tomorrow. I sometimes feel myself leaning towards what the voice is saying. Inside my head it's the usual :
- You've already missed so much
- The other people will be head of you
- Do you really want to get up at 5am everyday
- You can't do this

But I am fighting this, fighting the inner voice and thought pattern.
I don't want to Quit. I want to go to the gym and get my butt kicked, work out , and sweat tons! I want to feel what it feels like to be under 200 again. To be flexible again! I think I just really needed to type it out, you know convince myself that going is the best thing for me (even though I am not 100% better).

That I can do this. That I will do this.

That's it I'm going tomorrow!

Take that evil inner voice of self doubt!!!

Second Workout with Bootcamp

WOW, that's all I can say. Right now I am not in too much pain but I think that will come as the day goes by. You know when you have come down from your workout high and your muscles start screaming at you for making them work out!

Yesterday I was one hurting unit. I went in for my 25 mins of cardio and wow I could really feel Mondays workout. I did 25 mins on the Elliptical at lv.8 ( I didn't know there were lv's on those things!) but I did have to stop a couple times because my muscles were protesting. The thing I am so proud about is that I started back up after taking a break, which was no longer than 60 seconds long. WHoot for me!

Today, after we do our 20 min cardio warm up, we did 4 circuits. We did each one twice before moving onto the next circuit. Here's a run down of what we did.
Circuit 1:
Air Squats - 20 reps
Jumping Jacks - 20 reps
Plank - 1 min ( I did 40 sec the first time before I dropped! but I got back up)
Squats regular - 10 reps
Squats Narrow - 10 reps
Lunges (per leg) - 10 reps (for some reason I really feel these)
High Knees - 1 min
Water Break

Circuit 2:
Balance on Ball with no feet touching - 30 sec
Holding ball overhead: Reg. Squats - 10 reps
Pulse ball over head - 10 sec
Wide Squats ball over head - 10 reps
Water Break

Circuit 3:
Ball between legs & crunch - 20 reps
Ball between legs, crunch to elbow - 15 reps
Ball between legs, crunch other elbow - 15 reps
Ball above head and full sit up - 20 reps --- this is really hard for me!!!
Water Break

Circuit 4:
V-Sit - 10 reps
Bicycle Crunches - 10 reps
Mountain Climbers - 10 reps --- ah hello hard
Elbows to Knees - 10 reps

Cool Down

I will just say that No I didn't do every single rep for ever single work out today. Some of them I could only do a few, like the Ball above head and full sit up, that one killed me and I could only do about 5 each time. Same with high knees. I know you are supposed to hop from leg to leg but I did it the beginner way. Lift one leg, high knee, put leg down, pull up the other leg and do the same. My goal is to be able to do it all, ever single rep, and second by the end of bootcamp.

I'm taking the POWER back as Bob said last night on Biggest Loser.
I CAN do this!!!

First Day of Boot Camp! (written Sept. 20 2010)

I am fighting going to bed right now, it's only what almost 8pm. Today's workout kicked my butt. I am in pain but the good kind, the kind that tells you that you were working out some muscles that havent been pulling their weight.

Today we did circuit training. 60 sec cardio and then 3 reps of squats, push-ups, plank or whatever we were doing then back to 60 sec of cardio. Don't forget to add the 20 mins hard warm-up we do on our own before bootcamp time. So all in all today I worked out for 1.5 hours.

Tomorrow we just have to do 30 mins of cardio! Whoo hoo

I also started my (second) new job today. I got to watch 4 hours worth of video. I tell you I was ready for a coffee by the time the first video was over ( I watched 9 in total) but I stuck to my water. As of right now I have 7 cups down. YAH ME!!!

Well I think I've fought off this sleep thing enough. Bedtime for me.

Bullying

This is something that happened to me a lot when I was in school oh so long ago. For some reason kids just targeted me. I still to this day have no idea why I was picked on or what made me such an "easy" target.

You might be wondering what brought this up. Well I was just watching America's Next Top Model and they did a photo shoot about Bullying and the names people got called. For me it was mostly Fat, Ugly, Stupid, you know the usuals. I think what effected me more was the kids not wanting to be friends with me. It has had a lasting effect on me in the way that I think I am just not good enough to have friends. Sometimes I don't even know how to act in public. Do I want friends, hell yes, who doesn't? But my stumbling block seems to be what to say and not say.

You see I am a very open person and some people can't handle that. I don't hide my childhood, the fact that I have a drug addicted brother or really anything else. I mean I don't tell people what I do in the bathroom (like some people I know) but I am honest. When I don't know what to say/do I am silent. I don't want to offend anyone so I stay quiet. This, I have been told, makes me come across as "stuck up , snobby, even Bitchy" which I totally don't want to be seen as.

The bullying (along with a great many other childhood events) has also helped ruin my self-esteem. I am so unsure of myself and I hate it. When I see people that are so confident and sure of them self I get jealous. I think to myself "Why can't I be like that?" and then the beating myself up (in my head) starts all over again. BAH

So please tell me I am not the only one that has had to deal with this?
Does it still effect you? If so do you do anything to combat it?

September Long Weekend!!!

September Long weekend, wow. Just the thought of those words make me want to binge on all sorts of junk food. Maybe it has something to do with old feelings left over from child/teenage years because September long weekend means school is starting, but really I just think its another excuse I used because I was going to "start dieting" after said long weekend. Well I never did make it more than half of the day, lol.

Things are different now. This is not a diet, its a total lifestyle reno!
Goodbye old crappy friends that kept me around not because they wanted to be friends but because they needed the token fat chick friend that would break the ice with all the guys, cause they looked so much better lined up against the fat girl. I never really knew how much drama they brought into my life until the break-up. Funny I think of my relationship with them as a break-up in the boyfriend/girlfriend kinda way. There are hurt feelings and a lot of the time I'll admit I miss them, then I realise how much better off I am without them. I like who I have become over the years. I am much more myself and not who I always thought they wanted/needed me to be. Does that make any sense?
I guess I am bringing this up because I am back in my home town, and I'm running into some of them. Funny how they can still see you as the girl from 5 years ago, when you are obviously so different now. I shake my head, lol

Enough of that for now. Today was alright. Didn't do fantastic on food, but then it wasn't like I was eating fast food either. Just didn't think ahead and had to do the grab and go. I really need to start planning out meals. Less carbs way more veggies (PS you will never see me totally cut out carbs, they are good for you in moderation) Other than the food stuff. I worked, still learning how to close the store, but seeing as I've only worked there for 3 weeks I think I'm doing really good!

Hoping to get out and do something active tomorrow.
Until then, Night!


Most Crappy Two Days EVER!!!

WOW what a crappy two days this has been.
My brother has been so in my face. We (my mom and I ) have been trying to get him out of town. She even bought him a $200 ticket to get him away. I took him to the bus depo and he wouldn't get on the fucking bus! He was so high and not thinking and I was outside the car YELLING at him. The other people that were waiting for the bus were looking at us and I was so not caring at that moment. I turned to them and said "I hope none of you ever have to deal with a drug addict in your family" My brother then said that He wasn't going to get on the bus because I had said that. It's always someone else's fault with him. He even tried to pull a HUGE guilt trip on my mom about our childhood, blaming her for everything that happened. I yelled so much today that I think I have lost my voice. I AM DONE. I can't do this anymore. If he doesn't get on that bus tomorrow I am going to get a restraining order on him. I can't deal with this anymore and I can't watch my mom try to deal with this anymore. I feel like I am 12 again with my dad. Its all about him, the world revolves around him and we are all there just to be used by him whenever he pleases. God help me I just want him to go away so I don't have to deal with him anymore. I know that sounds bad but when you have to threaten calling the police or go to the police station to get him out of the car, it is just that bad. Or he calls 19 times in 1 hour and leave threating messages like how he is going to come over there and kick the fucking door down if we dont speak to him. His mood swings are crazy. Sometimes worry I will say the wrong thing and he will belt out and hit me, or worse our mom.

I am supposed to be thinking about my health, making myself better but with him in the picture I think I am doing worse. I know I have not eaten very well in the last two days. I wouldnt be supprised if I have a zero for weight loss. I am so worried and stressed. I think I need to talk to a councler again, maybe that will help with my guilty feeling for wanting him gone. Bah I just want to cry, again

Ferry Food, YOU SUCK!!!

Back on the island tonight.
I cant tell you how much my heart breaks every time I have to leave Mr. or he has to leave me. I wish we could find work in the same area. Oh well. We had a fantastic time together while I was over on the main land.

Meals for today are as follows:
Breaky: Coffee with 2 tsp sugar and 1 tbs creamer, 1 nectarine = 150 cal
Lunch: 2 soft boiled eggs, 2 toast & 1 tsp olivina = 313
Dinner: Yam frys, Triple O Burger with cheese and a Coke (ferry food what can I say)
=1658
Grand Total: 1821

I cant believe how many calories are in my dinner. A jaw dropping 674 cals for my Yam fries! and here I was thinking I was doing good by picking them over the regular fries!!! Lets just say I will be packing my meals for ferry trips from now on.

Back to work tomorrow. For the rest of the night, well before bed that is, I am going to be looking up low GI meal recipes. Need to learn how to eat better.

Those dreaded before weight loss photos

Just like the title says,
Here are those dreaded before photos!

Day 2: WB Biggest Loser Challenge

So yesterday was the start of the WB Biggest Loser Challenge.
I didn't do to well food wise, lol. What can I say I was visiting friends and the Mr.
Today however is a new day.

Breakfast:
2 poached eggs ~ 147 cal
1 whole wheat toast ~ 69 cal
Olivina ~ 35 cal
Bologna ~75 cal
Coffee ~ 5 cal
Sugar ~ 33 cal
Creamer ~ 70 cal
Total: 434

Lunch:
3/4 cup Saffron Basmati Rice
~ 162 cal
Mother's Recipe - Nauratan Korma ~ 144 cal
Water ~ FREE
Total: 306

Dinner:
1 corn on the cobb ~ 127 cal
Sirloin Steak - Lean Only, Grilled 6oz ~ 158
Mix Veg 1.5 cups ~ 120 cal
Total:405

I also went on a walk with Mr. and Coco. It's good to spend time together seeing as I have to head back to the island tomorrow. This living apart is going to be hard but we are doing what we have to so we can pay down our debt and save for when we have a baby. Don't know when I am going to see him again after tomorrow. Thank god for Skype!!!

With me being away though I can concentrate more on my weight loss. I would love to win the pot!!! Here's to kicking some butt.

Gearing Up for what's next!!!

First I would like to give a huge shout out to my TWO followers!
Thanks so much for following along on my journey to a new me and all the other fantastic-ly random stuff that goes on in my life.

I Got a JOB, whooo hooo!!!
I am now working as Bosley's Pet Food store. I am so excited, there is so much to learn. My very un-used brain is so ready to be used again!
It is part time which is great for me for now. I can start all the other projects that I've been putting off. Like fully focusing on weight loss and renos at the condo.

Speaking of weight loss. I have joined a "Biggest Loser" type challenge off the WB forum. I am totally looking forward to it. So not only will I have other great people going though the same shit I am, with the ups and downs of weight loss, but there is also a grand prize that goes to the person that looses the highest percentage of weight! I'm so in.

I also just got back from the Dr. and he is fully behind our decision to wait to try for a baby till either I reach the 20% weight reductions which is recommend before I try to get preggo or January 2011. Mr. and I have realised that we cant keep putting off trying to get pregnant as it might take a while with the PCOS. The Dr. also put me on Metformin. I'm a little scared of the drug but if it will make me healthier and reduce the chances of me getting Diabetes I'm all for it.

On a very, VERY, happy note. MR. and CoCo are at this very moment on the ferry over from Vancouver. I cant wait to see them!!! Its been too long.

So my goal is to keep updating this blog with well whatever I am doing in my life, lol. As soon as I know the start date of the BL challenge I will post, probably along with photos and weight. Time to get my fat butt movin'

Update on the island

Well I've been on the island for almost 2 weeks now. Handing out resumes and looking for work. I've also gotten to see friends while I am here. Its so nice :D
Today I did my first job interview, in person that is. I've already done 2 over the phone. I hope that I get this job as I would love to work there! Here's hoping right.

I have been lazy all week. This heat has made me so tired and head achy. Booo
I will get my butt moving though. I need to drop this 20 pounds. I so want to see 199 on the scale. It shouldn't be too hard right? I mean it's only 20 lbs. Well with my PCOS it's so hard. I eat right but that doesn't seem to matter. I guess I really just need to get moving. Exercise here I come!

This Fridays weigh in is 220.6 lbs

I was 218 earlier this week but I am having my first period in well forever, and man it's a killer. If Mr. and I want to have kids I need to start having these things more often. How do women do this every month??? I had the worst craps last night, so bad that I couldn't sleep. Sitting hurt and walking around wasn't much better. Let me tell you Midol I love you! ahh love those little pills right now.

I can't wait to see Mr. he is coming over for a visit on Monday. Gosh I miss him so much. Never thought I could love a person like I love him. We do what we have to do so our future is better.

I guess that's all for now. Will try to write more often.

Breakfast

Coffee Banana Smoothie
Serves:2

2 heaped tsp. instant coffee granules
2 cups semi-skimmed milk
1 large banana
4 ice cubes
ground cinnamon (optional)

Put all ingredients into blender and blend until smooth

Per serving: Cal 173, Fat 3g, Cholesterol 10mg, Sodium 133mg, Carbs 29g, Dietary Fibre 2g, Protein 9g

I have yet to try it but it looks good. All for the coffee in the morning :D

Summer is HERE!!!

Blogging has taken a back seat for now. With Summer finally here I've been outside enjoying it! Yeah for sunshine, boo for sun burn.


A friend of mine had surgery and she has a 10 month old boy that unfortunately because of her surgery she can't pick up, change, run after. So while her husband is at work I've been over at their place doing the running after, changing, playing and hanging out. I have to be there by 6am, which means early morning for me! Lucky for me I've been doing a sleep challenge that gets me back into a proper sleeping schedule :D No more sleeping till noon or staying up till 3am.

We (being Mr. & I ) went to the Surrey Fusion Fest yesterday and it was fantastic. Great music and a chance to taste all different kinds of food from all over the world! If you get a chance to go next year, go!

Next week we will be going to the island, YEAH!!!!
We have lots to do over there. Including visiting everyone that we can see in our short time frame, The in-laws 30th anniversary, Dr. apt, job searching, going to the lake and all in all having FUN!!! So exciting :D

That's all from me now

Slideshow of our Patio Garden!



With close ups of most of our new flowers and herbs!
It looks so Great now :D

What I've been up to!


So this has been a very busy last week. Mr. and I have been taking down the hedges at the back of our condo and putting up the flowerpots/fence. I took some photos of our journey and thought I would share them here.

Mr. taking down the hedges


Before, what our view looked like not to mention all the BUGS that were attracted to our patio!




And Now, what our view looks like. Hopefully when it's sunny out, and Summer actually shows up, we will get sunlight into our condo!!!



We made all the Flower boxes ourselves. Made with Cedar and then stained/painted brown so it matches the balcony above us (less that strata can bitch about the better)

I can't wait for our next project!





End Of June!

Where the heck did June go? Actually I should be asking where the heck is our June weather? It feels like Early Spring or Late Fall. What is up with that? I never thought I would ask for this but I want some Sunshine!!!

I never went to Ontario for the Summit. I'm actually still waiting for that "supervisor" to call me and tell me why I wasn't going and to let me know what's been going on with my license. A little back story here, they were supposed to pay for a 90 day license and well they never did. So I'm choked about it but I will live.

There is a big Job Fair here on July 8
th that I'm going to attend. If I don't find a job, that's full time for $10.00 or more, there then I will go to the island and look there. I need that full time status. Something that was regular would be heaven but I would be just fine with shift work :D

So I'm trying to loose weight and for the most part last week was a success! I was down from 224.6 to 223.2. That's 1.4 lbs
Whoo Hoo. It's not a huge Loss but I'll take a loss over a gain any day!

Here's some stats:
My Estimated
BMR is 1,697 calories/day
My
BMI is 39.5 which puts me in the Obese rage
Someone of my
Hight should weight between 104.4 - 141.1
(I could never see myself that small!)

And here are some goals:
* To lose 10lbs by Aug. 15 2010 (more if I can do it!)
* Shrink at least 2 inches from everywhere I usually
measure (neck 1 inch)
* To Drink 6 - 8 cups of plain water every day
* To actually take the Dog for a walk 3 times a week for 30
mins or more!

And now on to some fun stuff!!!
I can't
believe that this story line is coming to an end in the movies. I was so excited to see the new full length trailer for Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Pt 1
I will be one of those crazies in line 6 hours before the movie starts, at a midnight showing no less, possibly dressed up waiting to watch the end of an era (for me at least)




The Harry Potter Fan In Me Comes Out Again!

So I started reading Harry Potter right after the first film came out. I like many were sucked into the Wizarding World. I would pre-order my books, sit in lines many,many,many hours before the movie came out, on opening night no less and I even joined a few Harry Potter websites. When I found out that they were going to open a Harry Potter Theme Park in Florida I had to put it on my Bucket List.
It's actually in the top 5!!!

I am Happy to share with you a couple Youtube videos that were passed onto me though my Adult fan sites, I do not own anything, just happily sharing. Enjoy!

Warwick Davis conducts Hogwarts Frog Choir at Wizarding World of Harry Potter opening even




John Williams conducts orchestra at Universal Orlando's Wizarding World of Harry Potter


Daniel Radcliffe, Rupert Grint & Harry Potter stars open Universal Orlando's Wizarding World


Not Much Going On

Almost Mid June and not much is going on. I'm still waiting to find out my flight information for going to Ont. I wish it would come seeing as I am supposed to leave between June 15 - 19. That's such an open window, its stressing me out.

Other than that I've been playing WOW and kickin butt of course.
Now that I'm an 80 I wonder how I did stuff at lower levels.

I've totally gotten Hubby into the web show The Guild. I Love it!
So Funny. I can't wait for season 4, coming this July
!



Weight wise, I'm back up to 224.6. It sucks, but then I only have myself to blame. I think I might try out that Slim in 6 program. I blog allot about my weight on Sparkpeople.
You can find me on there under Annacy


I think I'm going to try and start blogging everyday. Might be hard when I am in Ont for the summit but I'll try my best!

The 1st Week of June

Bah!!! That is what I am feeling right now.
I dont want to do anything, it's raining and dark out. BAH...

So last week was June 1st. I weighed in and BAHM, me not doing anything totally reflexes in the total shown on the scale. No wonder I'm feeling like poo.


So to keep myself accountable I tweeted it...224.6 lbs, Will I ever break the 215 barrier?


My questions is Motivation, where the heck are you???

I read the change your life books, watch the BL and Losing It, not to mention the last 10 pounds. I totally get gun ho... but it's usually at like 10pm. Why must you, motivation, come so late at night? Why not make me want to get up early in the morning and get my lazy butt moving???

So I need to work on Motivation, making myself move, watch what I eat not to mention why I am eating.


Speaking of monitoring eating this is what I've had to eat/drink today so far...


1 cup oatmeal with 1 tbsp cranraisons, 1 tsp cinnamon, and 1 tbsp brown sugar

2.5 cups water
20 triskits with 2 oz cheese
2.5 cups water
1 LARGE cup of coffee with 1 tbsp sugar and flavored creamer (ouch)

Dinner will be:

Pork roast with stir fried veggies and risotto
2.5 cups water
1 cup watermelon with 1/2 cup strawberry greek yogurt
2.5 cups of water before bed to take my vitamin's

So how do you keep/get Motivated???

Starting Anew

This month has been bad, I mean very bad.

The family stress totally got to me and I gained almost 5 Lbs. After all that work that I did to get if off and then in the snap of my fingers its back on. I can feel the deep pit of depression crawling back.

So I need to shake myself up. Time to wake up and smell that coffee
(this time without the huge pour of flavored creamer and sugar)


I realised that I often go: Well... it's almost "insert month/day here" so I'll start next month or next Monday, ect, ect. I don't have to wait for a certain day to start I can do that right now!

So tonight instead of munchin out on crappy foods I had a huge salad and a chicken boob for dinner I also had 2 cups of water with it! I so wanted a glass of Sprite or even the dreaded Coke, but I haven't really drank pop in a while now so that's kinda weird for me.

What I have been doing is eating chocolate bars. My Mother in law sent us home with like 10. The other day I asked my hubby to get me one from the fridge and he was like:
" There are ONLY 2 LEFT??? Where did they all go??"
He just looked at me cause I have been saying how much I want to loose weight, did that stop me from eating that chocolate bar that night, nope. As I finished off the last bar tonight I realised when I was eating it that I don't even taste it. Like it doesn't taste like chocolate to me. Why was I eating it when it didn't even taste good???

I'm going to try my best to track my food. I might not get down the calories but at least writing down what I had to eat and the approx size will be a start. I'm going to start using my SparkPeople account again.

I'm even going to ask Hubby to cook a healthy Birthday dinner for me!

Today is the day I start making small steps to get me to where I want to be!!

Feeling Drained and Hurt

Why?

Why do people just stop talking to me?

I'm left wondering what the heck I did to piss them off, not to mention I'm left hurting.

I can't get this out of my mind. I mean I don't have very many friends to begin with so losing what I thought was one of my closest friends, my maid of honor, is killing me. I don't know what I did, or if I even did something!

I don't know if I should step back and just wait and let this person tell me when they are ready or if I should keep bugging them until I get them to tell me what's going on.

Add to the fact that I was on the island for a week dealing with family stuff I feel so drained.

My mom was asked to take some time off work because she was stressing out, due to the fact that my brother kept calling and bugging her. My mom asked if I could come over to the island and run interference between her and my brother. My mom never asks for help, so this was big time. Of Course I went over to help her out. My brother carries so much negative energy. When I am around him I feel like I am walking on egg shells, I feel like I'm 12 again, trying not to set off my father. I was trying to be strong for my mom and supportive for my brother. I don't know if I could do that again.

Again feeling drained... :(

Week 1 Day 3 of the C25K

So Instead of doing my day 3 yesterday I did it today. Boy was waiting a day so wrong. I was such a hurting unit while running and after! I was almost crying with the inner voice in my head saying "Oh come on, you are hurting, why are you still doing this?" But I beat them. I kept going.

While I was running though I noticed my left leg was really sore. It might have something to do with the fact that my running shoes are oh about 5 years old (eepp I know!) So on my List of things to Buy is new shoes because I can't run with sore knees and calf's.

I did miss one of the 60 second bursts cause I was gauging my knee and how I was feeling. I will defiantly be doing Week 1 again. I might not be a runner yet, but I'm working on it. I think I was to do Week 1 until I can do it comfortably. Like not be huffing and puffing at the end of the 60 seconds.

Can't wait for Wend, when I do Week 1 Day 1 - Take 2!


I am a little disappointed in my weigh in last friday though. It showed a 0 loss. I really need to start meal planning! I don't know how all you guys do it. I get so confused! Here's to next weigh in! Hoping for a loss

C25K Week 1 Day 2

So I will be honest, I really didn't want to run today. I was trying to make up excuses not to go, I have to do the laundry or finish reading this book before its due back at the library, silly things like that. Finally I pulled up my socks and sucked it up and went out and DID IT!!


I took the dog with me this time. I don't think I will bring her with me all the time as I often have to slow down or stop to pick up after her. But she does keep me going when I am running, The good and the bad.

I found this run harder to do. I think it's because

A) My legs still hurt from W1D1
B) I wasn't on a running track like W1D1 but on the sidewalk
C) Mental side of it. I was fighting with myself about going and I think it really effected me on this run.

I'm So glad I went though. I did all of the 60 sec bursts!!
with out stopping this time, Yeah me!!!

I think though I might do week 1 for two weeks just because I am huffing and puffing so much after the bursts. Then I hear the guy on the podcasts say that I should be able to talk while running and I'm like you have to be kidding me, cause I sure can't. It's also been so long since I've ran that doing week 1 twice will be good for me. Get me back into it, and maybe help with my breathing.


One thing I noticed today though. I used to be soooo concerned with how people saw me while I was exercising. I really didn't want people to see me huffing and puffing and my inside voice saying stupid things like, I bet that person is making some remark about my fat ass huffing and puffing or sweating or really some Silly thing.

Today yeah there were people that saw me and you know what I really couldn't have given a shit what they saw, thought, or said. I was running! I was making myself Better. Improving MYSELF!!!

YEAH for mental breakthrough and happy tears as I write this!!!


Right now I can't wait for W1D3. Watch out world here I come.

Working on the List



I called my mom and told her how I was feeling last week. She said that I should call her if I feel that way again. Depression is a seasonal thing for me. It seems to get worse when the weather changes drastically. I am feeling better today.

One of the thing on my list of Stuff to do is the Couch to 5k running program. Well I started it today!!! I am so proud of myself. I ran when it told me to run and walked when it said to walk. Now I did pretty good. The last two 60 second runs weren't full 60 seconds. I believe it was 50 secs and 40 secs but still for someone who has NEVER run before I think I did pretty freaking good.

After the C25K The Mr., CoCo and myself went for a little walk too. It was really nice
The Mr is doing a 10km run faster and further running program.

I am working on getting the list up. It's on my TO DO list for this week, lol. And Yes I am a person who does a list for a list for another list, if that makes any sense.

So Lost


I don't really know how to get started, but here it goes.

So I'm trying to loose wight and I did the Biggest Loser for the Wii this week and went for a walk and yet there was no loss instead I gained.... again. So I'm back up to 221.2. I was so excited when I busted the 220s. I was hovering at 219 for like 3 weeks though. I need to loose this weight for my health. Not to mention the Mr. and I would like to try for kids soon too and the last thing I want the OBGYN to say is you can't get preggo cause you are too fat.

The other thing is I am so depressed. I never leave the condo, other than to take the dog out for bathroom brakes and the occasional walk. I really want to cry right now. Between feeling so alone and looking for a job, and only get rejection letters or no reply, it's just killing me. All I want to do is sleep because the more I sleep the less I am awake and not having to deal with everything that you have to deal with when you are awake, like Live.

I don't know how much longer I can go without a job. I mean come on!! I am a great worker why won't anyone hire me???

I got so upset tonight. Mr. texted me from work saying that the "guys" are getting together tomorrow night for UFC and he wanted to go. I was like sure you can go but inside I was like Don't worry about me, I'll just stay home... again,... alone. I know it's the depression and that's why I didn't say a word.

I think I'm breaking. I'm so ashamed of myself, I'm fat, lazy, jobless, almost friendless and So Lost
I'm so Lost.

Eat-Clean Meal

Summertime Risotto
Makes 6 servings

Ingredients:
1 pint cherry tomatoes, roasted
1/4 cup olive oil, best quality
1tsp garlic, minced
1 small onion, diced
2 cups diced zucchini
1/4 cup fresh lemon juice
1 pound Arborio rice
3-4 cups fat-free chicken broth
1 pound scallops, washed
Salt & pepper to taste

Instructions:
Roasted tomatoes: Toss tomatoes in 2 teaspoons oil with a pinch of salt and pepper. Place on nonstick backing sheet and bake 1 hour at 250F
Zucchini puree: In a medium pan, heat 1 tsp oil over med heat. Add garlic and half the onion and cook until translucent. Add zucchini and cook 5 mins. Place all these ingredients in a blender. Add lemon juice and 1 Tbsp oil and puree. Add salt and pepper to taste. Set aside.
Risotto: Heat 1 Tbsp oil in medium pot or medium heat and saute remaining onion until translucent. Add rice and stir to coat. Add brother 1 cup at a time until absorbed, stirring continually for 20 mins or until rice in tender (add more broth if necessary) Once rice is cooked, stir in zucchini puree. Set aside.
Scallops: Heat 1 Tbsp oil in small pan. Season scallops with salt and pepper and cook both sides until lightly browned. Add tomatoes and saute 5 mins. Place risotto on place and top with scallops, tomatoes and parsley.

Nutritional analysis per serving:
488 calories, 16g protein, 11g fat, 68.5 carbohydrates

Eat-Clean Soups

Roasted Garlic & Sweet Potato Soup
Makes 10 Cups

Ingredients:
6 large sweet potatoes
1 large cooking onion, chopped
1 Tbsp extra virgin olive oil
1/2 head roasted garlic
6 cups reduced-salt chicken brother or bouillon
or 1 or 2 cups of water

Instructions:
Preheat oven to 350F. Slice potatoes in half lengthwise. Rub cut surfaces with olive oil and place cut side down on a baking sheet. On the same baking sheet, place a whole bulb of garlic and drizzle with more olive oil. Bake uncovered in center of oven until the sweet potatoes are soft, about 45mins.

Meanwhile heat olive oil in a saute pan. Add chopped onion and saute until clear and soft. Place in food processor. Remove half the potato pulp from the sweet potatoes and place in a food processor. Squeeze the roasted garlic into the food processor with sweet potato pulp. Run the food processor until a smooth puree forms. Place puree into large saucepan and add remaining pureed potato pulp. Add broth and water until desired consistency. Cook on medium until thoroughly heated.

Nutritional information per serving
99 calories, 3.5g protein, 1.5g fat, 18g carbohydrates

Tomato & Roasted Garlic Soup
Makes 12 cups

Ingredients
1 head garlic
1tsp extra virgin olive oil, divided
Salt and Pepper
1 cup chopped onion
1 cup chopped celery
8 cups stewed tomatoes, including juice
1 bay leaf
2 tsp dried oregano
2 tsp dried basil
1 tsp dried thyme

Instructions:
Preheat oven to 400F. Remove loose, papery skins from garlic, leaving head intact. Do not remove all the skin. Cut half an inch off the top of the garlic. Drizzle with olive oil. Sprinkle with salt and pepper. Bake on center rack for 40 mins until garlic has softened. Removed from oven. Place on plate to cool. Once garlic has cooled, squeeze roasted garlic into a small bowl. The paste will be added to the soup.
In large saucepan or dutch oven, heat 1/2 teaspoon olive oil. Add onion and celery and cook until softened, about 5 mins. Stir in tomatoes and juice, 1 cup water and all seasonings. Bring to a boil. Reduce heat, add roasted garlic paste and simmer for 30 mins. Puree with hand blender until mostly smooth.

Nutritional information per serving
71 Calories, 2g protein, 3g fat, 11g carbohydrates

Eat-Clean Potato, Arugula and Tomato Frittata

Makes 4 servings

Ingredients:
450g (1lb) Baby New potatoes
1 Tbsp Olive Oil
1 Garlic Clove, crushed
50g (2oz) Arugula
175g (6oz) Cherry tomatoes, halved
8-12 Egg whites, beaten

Instructions:
Cut potatoes in half, or into chunks in necessary, the cook in a pot of lightly salted boiling water for 8-10mins. Drain. Heat oil in a non-stick frying pan. Cook the garlic over low heat for one minute. Scatter potatoes half the arugula and the cherry tomatoes into the pan. Pour the eggs on top season well with salt and freshly ground black pepper and cook over medium heat for about 5 mins, until almost set. Use a wooden spatula to lift the frittata so any unset egg can travel to the base of the hot pan. When just set on the bottom, place under pre-heated hot grill for 2-3mins to set the top. Scatter the remaining arugula over top and serve.

Nutritional information per serving:
180 calories, 13g protein, 4g fat, 23g carbohydrates

Eat-Clean Recipes

So I came across some Eat-Clean recipes and I thought I would add them here. If I keep everything in one spot it will be easier for me.

Sweet Potato Risotto
Makes 4 servings

Ingredients:
2 Tbsp Olive Oil
1 Onion, Chopped
2 Cloves Garlic, Minced
1 1/2 cup Short-grain Italian rice, such as Arborio
4 cups Low-Sodium Chicken broth, Divided
1 Tbsp white wine vinegar
1 tsp Dried sage
1/2 tsp Sea Salt
1/2 tsp Dried thyme
1/4 tsp Ground black pepper
4 cups Large, bite-size pieces peeled sweet potato
1/4 cup minced fresh parsley (optional)

Instructions:
In a large saucepan, heat oil over medium heat. Saute onion & garlic, stirring, for 2 - 3 mins. Add Rice. Cook, stirring, for another 2-3 mins. Stir in 3 cups of the chicken brother, the vinegar and seasonings. Bring to a boil. Cover and reduce heat to med-low. Cook for 5 mins. Stir in sweet potato. Simmer for 15-18 mins, or until sweet potato and rice are tender but still slightly firm. Stir in the remaining cup of chicken broth. The rice should be moist and creamy. Serve immediately, topped with parsley in desired.

Nutritional information per serving:
170 calories, 5g protein, 2g fat, 31 carbohydrates

April Already

I wonder how when I was a kid the time seemed to go on forever.... and now that I am an adult it's like poof! gone in a flash.

That's kinda how I feel about this year. I really can't believe that it's April already. That means one more month and it's my birthday. I will now not have just turned 30, but I will be IN my 30's AHHH. The horror!!! (actually I'm ok with it, but just playing it up, lol)

So today the Mr., CoCo, and I went out for a walk and tried to do a geocaching location, but this one is super duper hard! Needless to say we didn't get that one. But it was a nice day out, despite the little bit of rain it was mostly sunshine.
While we were out on our walk I zipped into Rogers to rent the Biggest Loser for Wii game. I totally believe in try before you buy, especially when the game is like 50.00 CND (though I wonder with the CND so high right now if it would be almost cheaper to zip down to the States and get it there, hummm something to ponder) anywho after playing some World or Warcraft I tried out the BL game and it kicked my butt!!! Mr. was very happy that they had a great cool down for the game too. So I have it for a week and after a week we'll see where I am on if I like it enough to buy or not.

The other thing I would really like to do is the Couch to 5 km. I have been wayyyy to lazy of the late and really need to get my butt moving. Now that this cold is pretty much gone I have no excuse! I think I will add this future goal to my List of things to do. Which I am compiling right now, with the help of family and friends.

Some of the Weddingbells (WB) girls are on Blogger too so I have been adding them to my follow list. Just in case the were wondering who this person was that was all of a sudden following them. I'm not a stalker, I promise you that!!.

I am still learning how to do this Blogger thing. Some of the stuff people have on their pages looks really cool and I'm like OK, how do they do that? I think I am going to look though youtube to see if there are any tutorials for dummy's on blogger for myself :D

So yha that's it for now. Will write again soon.

Pooches in the Park & The G's

So one of the girls that I've met from Weddingbells brought to my attention the story of a dog named Trooper.

This abused, hurt, dog was left at the SPCA and was given only 2 days to live! I could not believe this. I was so upset because we have CoCo and she's our little angel. How anyone can hurt a pet is beyond me.

Carol-Ann decided to do a photo session with all donations going towards the SPCA and Trooper. While Mr.G , CoCo and myself were there the news crews that was covering Carol-Ann and her fantastic-ness asked if they could ask us some questions. Low and behold later that day we were on telly!

Here is Trooper and Carol-Anns story, with a cameo of The G's (News Station is CBC)



I am so proud to have been apart of this.
When we get our photos from Carol-Ann I will post them *so excited to see them!!!*

Starting A Fresh

This is my blog / journal of how I am going to change my life, or should I say how I view myself.

I find that when I look at myself I hate me. Does that make sense?
When I look at myself I think I look :
~ lazy
~ fat
~ boring

I feel like I am letting life pass me by and I DON'T want that anymore!
So I'm going to start out by making a list of things I can do to help better myself, as well as make a healthier, happier me!

So Please join me on my journey as I find out about myself.

Just a test

Just testing out my new layout, or trying to that is