Most Crappy Two Days EVER!!!

WOW what a crappy two days this has been.
My brother has been so in my face. We (my mom and I ) have been trying to get him out of town. She even bought him a $200 ticket to get him away. I took him to the bus depo and he wouldn't get on the fucking bus! He was so high and not thinking and I was outside the car YELLING at him. The other people that were waiting for the bus were looking at us and I was so not caring at that moment. I turned to them and said "I hope none of you ever have to deal with a drug addict in your family" My brother then said that He wasn't going to get on the bus because I had said that. It's always someone else's fault with him. He even tried to pull a HUGE guilt trip on my mom about our childhood, blaming her for everything that happened. I yelled so much today that I think I have lost my voice. I AM DONE. I can't do this anymore. If he doesn't get on that bus tomorrow I am going to get a restraining order on him. I can't deal with this anymore and I can't watch my mom try to deal with this anymore. I feel like I am 12 again with my dad. Its all about him, the world revolves around him and we are all there just to be used by him whenever he pleases. God help me I just want him to go away so I don't have to deal with him anymore. I know that sounds bad but when you have to threaten calling the police or go to the police station to get him out of the car, it is just that bad. Or he calls 19 times in 1 hour and leave threating messages like how he is going to come over there and kick the fucking door down if we dont speak to him. His mood swings are crazy. Sometimes worry I will say the wrong thing and he will belt out and hit me, or worse our mom.

I am supposed to be thinking about my health, making myself better but with him in the picture I think I am doing worse. I know I have not eaten very well in the last two days. I wouldnt be supprised if I have a zero for weight loss. I am so worried and stressed. I think I need to talk to a councler again, maybe that will help with my guilty feeling for wanting him gone. Bah I just want to cry, again

Ferry Food, YOU SUCK!!!

Back on the island tonight.
I cant tell you how much my heart breaks every time I have to leave Mr. or he has to leave me. I wish we could find work in the same area. Oh well. We had a fantastic time together while I was over on the main land.

Meals for today are as follows:
Breaky: Coffee with 2 tsp sugar and 1 tbs creamer, 1 nectarine = 150 cal
Lunch: 2 soft boiled eggs, 2 toast & 1 tsp olivina = 313
Dinner: Yam frys, Triple O Burger with cheese and a Coke (ferry food what can I say)
=1658
Grand Total: 1821

I cant believe how many calories are in my dinner. A jaw dropping 674 cals for my Yam fries! and here I was thinking I was doing good by picking them over the regular fries!!! Lets just say I will be packing my meals for ferry trips from now on.

Back to work tomorrow. For the rest of the night, well before bed that is, I am going to be looking up low GI meal recipes. Need to learn how to eat better.

Those dreaded before weight loss photos

Just like the title says,
Here are those dreaded before photos!

Day 2: WB Biggest Loser Challenge

So yesterday was the start of the WB Biggest Loser Challenge.
I didn't do to well food wise, lol. What can I say I was visiting friends and the Mr.
Today however is a new day.

Breakfast:
2 poached eggs ~ 147 cal
1 whole wheat toast ~ 69 cal
Olivina ~ 35 cal
Bologna ~75 cal
Coffee ~ 5 cal
Sugar ~ 33 cal
Creamer ~ 70 cal
Total: 434

Lunch:
3/4 cup Saffron Basmati Rice ~ 162 cal
Mother's Recipe - Nauratan Korma ~ 144 cal
Water ~ FREE
Total: 306

Dinner:
1 corn on the cobb ~ 127 cal
Sirloin Steak - Lean Only, Grilled 6oz ~ 158
Mix Veg 1.5 cups ~ 120 cal
Total:405

I also went on a walk with Mr. and Coco. It's good to spend time together seeing as I have to head back to the island tomorrow. This living apart is going to be hard but we are doing what we have to so we can pay down our debt and save for when we have a baby. Don't know when I am going to see him again after tomorrow. Thank god for Skype!!!

With me being away though I can concentrate more on my weight loss. I would love to win the pot!!! Here's to kicking some butt.

Gearing Up for what's next!!!

First I would like to give a huge shout out to my TWO followers!
Thanks so much for following along on my journey to a new me and all the other fantastic-ly random stuff that goes on in my life.

I Got a JOB, whooo hooo!!!
I am now working as Bosley's Pet Food store. I am so excited, there is so much to learn. My very un-used brain is so ready to be used again!
It is part time which is great for me for now. I can start all the other projects that I've been putting off. Like fully focusing on weight loss and renos at the condo.

Speaking of weight loss. I have joined a "Biggest Loser" type challenge off the WB forum. I am totally looking forward to it. So not only will I have other great people going though the same shit I am, with the ups and downs of weight loss, but there is also a grand prize that goes to the person that looses the highest percentage of weight! I'm so in.

I also just got back from the Dr. and he is fully behind our decision to wait to try for a baby till either I reach the 20% weight reductions which is recommend before I try to get preggo or January 2011. Mr. and I have realised that we cant keep putting off trying to get pregnant as it might take a while with the PCOS. The Dr. also put me on Metformin. I'm a little scared of the drug but if it will make me healthier and reduce the chances of me getting Diabetes I'm all for it.

On a very, VERY, happy note. MR. and CoCo are at this very moment on the ferry over from Vancouver. I cant wait to see them!!! Its been too long.

So my goal is to keep updating this blog with well whatever I am doing in my life, lol. As soon as I know the start date of the BL challenge I will post, probably along with photos and weight. Time to get my fat butt movin'

Update on the island

Well I've been on the island for almost 2 weeks now. Handing out resumes and looking for work. I've also gotten to see friends while I am here. Its so nice :D
Today I did my first job interview, in person that is. I've already done 2 over the phone. I hope that I get this job as I would love to work there! Here's hoping right.

I have been lazy all week. This heat has made me so tired and head achy. Booo
I will get my butt moving though. I need to drop this 20 pounds. I so want to see 199 on the scale. It shouldn't be too hard right? I mean it's only 20 lbs. Well with my PCOS it's so hard. I eat right but that doesn't seem to matter. I guess I really just need to get moving. Exercise here I come!

This Fridays weigh in is 220.6 lbs

I was 218 earlier this week but I am having my first period in well forever, and man it's a killer. If Mr. and I want to have kids I need to start having these things more often. How do women do this every month??? I had the worst craps last night, so bad that I couldn't sleep. Sitting hurt and walking around wasn't much better. Let me tell you Midol I love you! ahh love those little pills right now.

I can't wait to see Mr. he is coming over for a visit on Monday. Gosh I miss him so much. Never thought I could love a person like I love him. We do what we have to do so our future is better.

I guess that's all for now. Will try to write more often.