Day 4 of Clomid 100mg

Today is day 4 of 5 for Clomid 100mg.
I'm doing days 3-7 this time.

When I first went on Clomid 50mg and did the 3-7
I had tons of reactions to the meds.
Hot flashes, Food cravings, Mood swings,
but mostly hot flashes.
So far I have had NOTHING on this cycle.
This is totally worrying me!

I really hope I "O" this time.
I don't know what I will do if I don't.
I just want my body to work dam it!

Here are the results of CD3 Blood work.
FSH 4.2 IU/L
Estradiol 189 pmol/L

So it looks like I am in my midcycle for FSH
(if I read the results right)
and Follicular for my Estradiol. <-- me confused

I so need to read more about this.

I think I should call my OB about the results

Infertility

Infertility
That one word still scares the shit outta me.
It makes me feel broken.

It makes me angry.
WHY?
Why am I not like the other girls who just look at their man and get preggo?
How come I have to take pills that fuck me up?
That put me on an emotional rollercoaster,
which I have to hide as best as I can from everyone
It's not like I can just talk about it. People just don't understand.
They make the "Oh, I understand" statements,
while nodding their heads.
You understand, really?
You get what it feels like to know you don't O on your own
That your fear is that you can't actually HAVE children
Unless they have been there I don't even bother talking about it.
I just don't go there.

When the "When are you going to have little ones?" question gets asked I laugh it off. Oh... in a couple years, when we are ready.
Or, we have a fur baby and she's all we need now.
Or, we will have one once we've paid down our bills.
I just want to say, well we are trying but it just hasn't happened.
But that opens up a whole other can of worms that I just don't want to talk about with someone who isn't in my close circle.
(aka a stranger, or old acquaintance)

I have no idea if this makes any sense to you readers.
(yeah I have 3 now!)
I just had to get it out. I think holding it in is hurting me in the long run but I hate those fake nodders, or the sad faces that people give when I say anything about having trouble conceiving.

So here is a Fertility specific update
Months actively trying to conceive: 16 months 3 weeks
Medications tried: Clomid 50mg day 5-9 All BFN
Tests done: HSG - tubes open
Hubby's SA test was great
CD 21 Blood work

What's going on right now
CD1 - is today
CD3 - Blood work and starting 100mg Clomid
BD as much as we can (when we are together)
CD21 again - to see if 100mg has actually made me 'O'

That is all for now

Mid April Update

It's been really busy around here!

Last week I started the Biggest Loser Challenge for the Wii and did the pre-test and then the first work out and... that's about it. I feel really bad about it. I totally did not keep up my end of the bargain. I let the excuses win. Thursday it was, I'm sooo tired and it was Truck day at work so I already got a workout, kinda and Saturday was well the Mr. is here and I want to hang with him and Coco after work. Boo on me, though I did go for a walk Saturday night with both the Mr. and Coco.

I went to my first Beer fest on Friday. It was fun. I'm not a big beer drinker so it was way more entertaining for the Mr. but I still got to try allot of stuff that I would have never tried. My favorite was the "fruit" beer (aka cider) I never thought I was a cider girl but there is one called Merri Berri from Merridale Ciderworks and it was soooo yummy!
http://www.merridalecider.com

This will be my last week at the Bosley's that I got hired at. As of next Monday I will be in the new store. I am very excited!!! It means I have to drive more but oh well. I look at this as another great adventure! More to come on that later this month.

For Fertility. Here is were we are at right now. I have just finished taking my Prometrium pills and should be seeing Aunt Flow in a couple days (fingers crossed). Once that has started I can get my CD3 Bloodwork done and start on my 100mg of Clomid on CD5.
I am trying not to feel down about this. I know it will happen it's just the waiting that is killing me. I try and not talk about it lots because I don't want trying to have a baby to be all consuming yet. Once it's happened then yes I feel like I could talk about it 24/7 but as of right now with nothing happening other than lots of meds and wild mood swings I will keep a button on it. Plus I don't have anyone here to talk to about it. "It" being the world of infertility, the meds, the tests, the feelings. Bah...

So not to end things on a uncertain note I will tell you about what I did today after I got up and did my Biggest Loser Wii Weigh in (down 3lbs). CoCo and I went for a little hike up to Sugarloaf Mt. It was great. Not that many people go up there and the view is fantastic and well the stairs is a work out for me. I love it up there. Panoramic views of the harbor and the quiet. It was great. I find I go out more and do more things with CoCo here. Too bad I can't keep her here with me all the time.

April Already??

The time sure has flown! It's almost mid April and I'm sitting here going
"What the heck, where did it go?"

So here's an update
Mr. is in Victoria doing a course for work. Which makes me oh so happy because that means we get to see each other every weekend! He is doing so well. My hubby truly amazes me.
Next Friday we are going to my very 1st Beer Fest. I have never been to a tasting festival so I am majorly excited, not that I really like beer but oh well I'm going for the experience!!

I only have two weeks left at the store before I am transferred to the new one. I have to admit I'm really excited! I love learning new things and for once in my life I truly love my job. Now if it would only pay more than minimum wage, lol.

On the Fertility side of things I have just started taking my Prometrium again. So I will be on that for 10 days then wait for AF to arrive so I can start cycle monitoring. I will be getting CD3 and then CD21 Blood work done. This time I am on 100mg of Clomid so here's hoping that works amd gets me O'ing.

Mr. and I were going to go away for a honeymoon the first week of May but alas rising gas prices and low wages makes that impossible. So we are going to go to our Nephews 4th Birthday Party on the island. While we are over here we are going to work on the boat too! The Mr. would also like to take an over night trip to Seattle, which I am totally down for seeing as the only time I went there was for Paper for the wedding invites!
Need to be a tourist this time.

This weekend I went out and bought the Biggest Loser Challenge Wii game. Today I put in my stats and took the fitness test. Got all the way to Challenging before I had had enough. It's funny how two scales will weight you differently. The Wii says I'm at 216 and the bathroom scale said I was 212 (Ate very badly this weekend hence the gain) Needless to say I love the bathroom scale but I am taking into consideration both of them. I am going to try to do the 12 week Biggest Loser Weight loss program on the Wii as well as get out for a 20 min walk at least 3 times a week . I will be doing weekly weigh ins and posting them here. Gotta stay accountable somehow!