WOW what a crappy two days this has been.
My brother has been so in my face. We (my mom and I ) have been trying to get him out of town. She even bought him a $200 ticket to get him away. I took him to the bus depo and he wouldn't get on the fucking bus! He was so high and not thinking and I was outside the car YELLING at him. The other people that were waiting for the bus were looking at us and I was so not caring at that moment. I turned to them and said "I hope none of you ever have to deal with a drug addict in your family" My brother then said that He wasn't going to get on the bus because I had said that. It's always someone else's fault with him. He even tried to pull a HUGE guilt trip on my mom about our childhood, blaming her for everything that happened. I yelled so much today that I think I have lost my voice. I AM DONE. I can't do this anymore. If he doesn't get on that bus tomorrow I am going to get a restraining order on him. I can't deal with this anymore and I can't watch my mom try to deal with this anymore. I feel like I am 12 again with my dad. Its all about him, the world revolves around him and we are all there just to be used by him whenever he pleases. God help me I just want him to go away so I don't have to deal with him anymore. I know that sounds bad but when you have to threaten calling the police or go to the police station to get him out of the car, it is just that bad. Or he calls 19 times in 1 hour and leave threating messages like how he is going to come over there and kick the fucking door down if we dont speak to him. His mood swings are crazy. Sometimes worry I will say the wrong thing and he will belt out and hit me, or worse our mom.
I am supposed to be thinking about my health, making myself better but with him in the picture I think I am doing worse. I know I have not eaten very well in the last two days. I wouldnt be supprised if I have a zero for weight loss. I am so worried and stressed. I think I need to talk to a councler again, maybe that will help with my guilty feeling for wanting him gone. Bah I just want to cry, again
My brother has been so in my face. We (my mom and I ) have been trying to get him out of town. She even bought him a $200 ticket to get him away. I took him to the bus depo and he wouldn't get on the fucking bus! He was so high and not thinking and I was outside the car YELLING at him. The other people that were waiting for the bus were looking at us and I was so not caring at that moment. I turned to them and said "I hope none of you ever have to deal with a drug addict in your family" My brother then said that He wasn't going to get on the bus because I had said that. It's always someone else's fault with him. He even tried to pull a HUGE guilt trip on my mom about our childhood, blaming her for everything that happened. I yelled so much today that I think I have lost my voice. I AM DONE. I can't do this anymore. If he doesn't get on that bus tomorrow I am going to get a restraining order on him. I can't deal with this anymore and I can't watch my mom try to deal with this anymore. I feel like I am 12 again with my dad. Its all about him, the world revolves around him and we are all there just to be used by him whenever he pleases. God help me I just want him to go away so I don't have to deal with him anymore. I know that sounds bad but when you have to threaten calling the police or go to the police station to get him out of the car, it is just that bad. Or he calls 19 times in 1 hour and leave threating messages like how he is going to come over there and kick the fucking door down if we dont speak to him. His mood swings are crazy. Sometimes worry I will say the wrong thing and he will belt out and hit me, or worse our mom.
I am supposed to be thinking about my health, making myself better but with him in the picture I think I am doing worse. I know I have not eaten very well in the last two days. I wouldnt be supprised if I have a zero for weight loss. I am so worried and stressed. I think I need to talk to a councler again, maybe that will help with my guilty feeling for wanting him gone. Bah I just want to cry, again
0 comments:
Post a Comment