This is something that happened to me a lot when I was in school oh so long ago. For some reason kids just targeted me. I still to this day have no idea why I was picked on or what made me such an "easy" target.
You might be wondering what brought this up. Well I was just watching America's Next Top Model and they did a photo shoot about Bullying and the names people got called. For me it was mostly Fat, Ugly, Stupid, you know the usuals. I think what effected me more was the kids not wanting to be friends with me. It has had a lasting effect on me in the way that I think I am just not good enough to have friends. Sometimes I don't even know how to act in public. Do I want friends, hell yes, who doesn't? But my stumbling block seems to be what to say and not say.
You see I am a very open person and some people can't handle that. I don't hide my childhood, the fact that I have a drug addicted brother or really anything else. I mean I don't tell people what I do in the bathroom (like some people I know) but I am honest. When I don't know what to say/do I am silent. I don't want to offend anyone so I stay quiet. This, I have been told, makes me come across as "stuck up , snobby, even Bitchy" which I totally don't want to be seen as.
The bullying (along with a great many other childhood events) has also helped ruin my self-esteem. I am so unsure of myself and I hate it. When I see people that are so confident and sure of them self I get jealous. I think to myself "Why can't I be like that?" and then the beating myself up (in my head) starts all over again. BAH
So please tell me I am not the only one that has had to deal with this?
Does it still effect you? If so do you do anything to combat it?
You might be wondering what brought this up. Well I was just watching America's Next Top Model and they did a photo shoot about Bullying and the names people got called. For me it was mostly Fat, Ugly, Stupid, you know the usuals. I think what effected me more was the kids not wanting to be friends with me. It has had a lasting effect on me in the way that I think I am just not good enough to have friends. Sometimes I don't even know how to act in public. Do I want friends, hell yes, who doesn't? But my stumbling block seems to be what to say and not say.
You see I am a very open person and some people can't handle that. I don't hide my childhood, the fact that I have a drug addicted brother or really anything else. I mean I don't tell people what I do in the bathroom (like some people I know) but I am honest. When I don't know what to say/do I am silent. I don't want to offend anyone so I stay quiet. This, I have been told, makes me come across as "stuck up , snobby, even Bitchy" which I totally don't want to be seen as.
The bullying (along with a great many other childhood events) has also helped ruin my self-esteem. I am so unsure of myself and I hate it. When I see people that are so confident and sure of them self I get jealous. I think to myself "Why can't I be like that?" and then the beating myself up (in my head) starts all over again. BAH
So please tell me I am not the only one that has had to deal with this?
Does it still effect you? If so do you do anything to combat it?
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