So Lost

I don't really know how to get started, but here it goes.

So I'm trying to loose wight and I did the Biggest Loser for the Wii this week and went for a walk and yet there was no loss instead I gained.... again. So I'm back up to 221.2. I was so excited when I busted the 220s. I was hovering at 219 for like 3 weeks though. I need to loose this weight for my health. Not to mention the Mr. and I would like to try for kids soon too and the last thing I want the OBGYN to say is you can't get preggo cause you are too fat.

The other thing is I am so depressed. I never leave the condo, other than to take the dog out for bathroom brakes and the occasional walk. I really want to cry right now. Between feeling so alone and looking for a job, and only get rejection letters or no reply, it's just killing me. All I want to do is sleep because the more I sleep the less I am awake and not having to deal with everything that you have to deal with when you are awake, like Live.

I don't know how much longer I can go without a job. I mean come on!! I am a great worker why won't anyone hire me???

I got so upset tonight. Mr. texted me from work saying that the "guys" are getting together tomorrow night for UFC and he wanted to go. I was like sure you can go but inside I was like Don't worry about me, I'll just stay home... again,... alone. I know it's the depression and that's why I didn't say a word.

I think I'm breaking. I'm so ashamed of myself, I'm fat, lazy, jobless, almost friendless and So Lost
I'm so Lost.